Dear god,
protector of all souls, creator of all beings, listen to this tiny human plead. I have sinned. I am lost. I do not know where to go, or where to hide, who to go with, or who to hide from. I am very very lost. And I have sinned. It is true that all humans are not perfect, because only gods are perfect, but is my imperfection this strong? My sin is thought, and thought itself comes with desire, hope, and pure evil. The victim is not me, but the person of my thought. I will harm him, through my thoughts. He does not know what wrong he had done, he does not know how he hurt me, he does not know all the consequences, but I do. Because I have predicted it all through my thoughts. But he is not me, how will he understand? I keep changing my mind, my thoughts, and he is but a soldier that follows my ever-changing orders, with no idea of what's going on. I cannot torture him further like this. Neither can I torture myself anymore with my own thoughts. I know this must end. But he still does not know a thing. Because in the end i'm still thinking on my own, forming my own sentence, and he is just the full-stop, that ends it. He has no idea what's written, he just know that it has ended. It will hurt him.

God, I want him to know, I don't need a soldier, I don't need a knight... I need a king, a king that is strong, that is powerful, who will not give me doubts, who will protect me, who will shower me with overflowing care, and concern. I need a king, who will clear away my thoughts, and give me no reason to think, to let me feel comfortable, to let me feel secured... Because I lack a lot of security, and I need it. I need a king, who will invite jesters to entertain me, and make me happy, and fill me up with joy and laughter, not negative thoughts and wild guesses. And let me feel like a kid again, and thus able to awaken my other self. I need a king, that fears nothing and no one, ... a king who will make me feel like a queen.

I want my other self back. God, please do not forsaken my other self. You have sealed it shut within my heart's doors, and told me to wait for the person with the key, and I did wait, and he did come, and he did set my other self free, but now he is gone, and my other self has gone back to her slumber. Please awaken her again, god. I plead you. Maybe this soldier isn't the right king, and one day he would realise this, but, dear god, please send for a rightful prince now...who will eventually turn into a king, because I can feel the other me slowly fading away, silently, and painfully.

Yes God, I know. I have sinned greatly, by making the soldier fall for me. We are of two worlds but he has not realised it yet. But he will, one day. And it will hurt. Oh, it is all my fault. I should not have agreed in the first place. Dear old humble and great God, tell me what to do, show me a pathway, and lead me through.


I am thus ready to recieve my punishment.