I've had many worst days of my life. But today...
Worst. Ever.

I'm not gonna make it easy for you guys to understand, since i'm not really in the mood to; so this post would be messy, disturbing, short, and true.

I had a bad dream, and when I woke up the first thing I thought was " I don't want to go school today".
If only I followed my feelings...

Usual routine to walk to the mrt..
Next thing I know, I saw a flasher. WTF.
I'm not a dirty kid, so i've never seen THAT before. I don't really want to describe the details, but it totally sucked. And it was utterly disturbing. And I wanted to kill that guy.- kill him.

It was disgusting. It freaked the hell out of me. I flinched, but continued walking. My hands shook like crazy. I held on to my bag tightly. I tried to control my emotions. And succeeded. My face remained the same.
Then my head went blank. Then I felt like crying. But I held on my tears. Throughout the ride to school, tears were in my eyes, but it didn't flow out. I held it back. Until I reached school. Cried for about 3 mins. [because I can't let people know I cried]
Only cheryl knew I cried, but she didn't know why.

School sucked. Everything today just went utterly wrong.

Then art club.
... I thought I could handle the situation already. Didn't felt like crying anymore.

5.45pm. On my way home. A lot of people. A lot of adults. A lot of adults MALE.
Then started shivering like this morning. My hand couldn't stop shaking. Grabbed my wallet so tight until it could tear off. Swear words filled my head. Possibly because I was afraid. And I wanted to cry again. I was afraid I would see that guy again. I don't want. No more...

"Pei Zhen don't cry. Pei Zhen don't cry. Pei Zhen don't cry. You can't cry. You won't cry. Hold it in, hold it in, hold it all in. At least wait until you reach home. Until home."
- I repeated these things in my head. Repeated and repeated.

I flinched every single time a person touches me; or bump into me.
But I held on my tears. I won't cry. Not infront of people.

Walked past the place where I saw him.
A tear went out. My eyes were especially reactive now.
I could see or feel, every single thing that moved.
And was twice as frightened.
"Somebody save me."
"Anyone..."
"...Save me."
I was really really afraid. My hands went cold.

Arrived at doorstep. Couldn't hold on any longer.
I cried.
And cried.
And .. cried.

Stopped crying.
And started crying again.
And again.
I couldn't stop.
I didn't wanted to go out anymore.
But mum said I couldn't run away.

I know i'm weak.
But I am a girl afterall.
...

I'm cold. '

Kill that guy.
I hate this world.