O:

^Yes, I know its weird to start a blog post with such a weird 'face'.
But thats probably how I feel now; or rather, I have no idea what i'm supposed to feel now.
I'm gonna go my religion camp on Thurs, so feel free to spam call me in those three days, as I would be really glad to skip activities just to answer your call.
There are three things I hate in camps :
1] Waking up early
2] I can't sleep at night due to the bed
3] The fact that I have to play games that I don't wanna play. O:

yup, thats how I feel now.

Recently, I kept thinking about my dad. Which was weird, and ... sad.
I really do miss him after all...
And then there are things that kept me thinking more...
which made me feel really empty and hollow...

See, I always thought my father's death was caused by me. Which was impossible as he died of cancer; a spreading kind of disease, meaning to say, it is kind of a long-term thing. I always thought that even though he was tired after exercising that day, I forced him to run one more round. That made him sick and went to the hospital. And then 10 days later he died. So I kept thinking it was my fault. But I was just an 8 year-old kid back then, I wouldn't understand.. and even now, even though I know its impossible, I still think its my fault.

Why I wonder?
But the guilt.. the guilt's still there..