what the hell am I to you?

Mum, tell me.
Last time it used to be sis and me, I was second, but at least I was noticed.
Then sis started to have bfs. And breakups. And o'levels. Your focus is on her, but it doesn't matter, because I'm third now [ sis and her bf is first and second] , but at least, sometimes, SOMETIMES, you still talk about me, touch my head, and talk good things about me.

Then now there's my godbrother. YOUR godson. Now i'm 4th. AND YOU TOTALLY DONT TALK ABOUT ME AT ALL. This morning I went down to have breakfast with my mum and sis, and they kept talking. About work, sis, sis's bf, mum herself, and the godson.
Nothing about me.

I sat there at the side listening to them talk. Waiting for them to talk about me, but all mum said about me was negative. Like I have NO good points at all. My heart hurts and I wanna cry but I didn't show. I told myself its alright... BUT ITS NOT.

I tried to talk, and I really did, 3 times in fact. But none of them noticed. Like I was not there... So I talked to myself. And they didn't noticed either.

I'm a human too. No matter how cold I am or how hard I try to be emotionless, I am human. So it hurts like shit. What am I to you mum? Am I so bad? What did I do wrong? Times like these, I wished I was a robot.

You always tell me its because of computer that I can't communicate. You're wrong. Because you never try. I don't shut myself in my own world... I open up, but you guys don't listen. So I close the door slightly. And you guys don't notice either, So i shut off completely.

I wonder which one's more cold. The rain outside, or my house. It used to be so warm, so nice... Like everytime I come home there's people to welcome me.

Now its just stone cold. Dead silent. Heartless.
And even when you do talk about me, its all about how I don't off computer, or my results. [that are not even bad]

I wanted to go to the market with you two just now. But I couldn't bear it. My heart's not that strong. The more I think about it, the more inferior I think of myself. Am I not worth your attention at all? Its not like I seek attention, but mum gives me NO attention at all. She would say all about her godson's good points [ when he is a gangster] , but all she finds on me are the bad points [ when i'm supposed to be better]. I don't get it.

If this is love, I DON'T WANT IT.